I am between boyfriends at the moment.
I have been through the whole range of emotions in regards to that subject! Had a nasty divorce after 7 years of marriage; some other short term relationships and here I am again…in the land of freedom and opportunities.
Funny how our society regards me and all my single peers as there is something wrong with us – we need to be fixed. We (the singles) are of no good unless we are creating family; we are in a partnership; children…and the list goes on!!
I notice it a lot in exchanges not only with my family and friends from my own culture (Albania), but everywhere I go – their wish always goes something like: “Happy birthday and next year wish you are in a couple” (directly translated) or “Don’t these men have eyes and see how beautiful you are!” or “Comm’on now – decide! Prince Charming doesn’t exist!”
I know you say they all mean well and I definitely know that. It simply makes me so frustrated. I have sometimes taken the battle up and said “Well, have you ever wondered that this might be a choice of mine for now?” and sometimes they will get silent and sometimes they will start arguing that the whole meaning of life is love and recreation. There is a third group that falls under the category of “wish I could live your life” kind.
I have been influenced; affected; hurt; suffered and cried and believed that there must be something wrong with me that my relationships do not work. BUT now, looking back and looking at all the men I have had in my life, every single one came to teach me some lesson. They were there for that period of time to teach me that particular lesson / lessons. I have grown from each and every of my previous relationships.
After having tried almost everything there is in the “Get a man and be happy!” market, a shift happened some time ago – I don’t remember the exact moment but something in me was like: “Hey, if you can’t change it, why don’t we simply enjoy it?” That was a revelation and a relief!!! I simply enjoy every day of my single life; I enjoy the flirting; I enjoy the freedom it gives me; enjoy the opportunities and mystery of not knowing; I enjoy the time with my friends and loved ones. I see love not simply confined in one single male person – I see it in my friends and family and random encounters in the street (now some of you might think ohhh she is one of those hippies in the lala land where you love everyone and you love none – haha maybe 🙂 but it feels good for the moment).
And what a relief when going on dates and being free of thoughts such as “Oh is he a father material?” “Will it work out?” “Oh no, he has this tick – might have taken drugs in the past, or does he still?” etc.. and the monkey mind goes on. So much that it totally blocked me from enjoying them – from also seeing the person who they were and even if there was no chemistry or any “future” together, just having that nice moment of connection between two people would do.
I do simply advocate that if as singles (and everyone else for that matter) do not enjoy and appreciate what we have right now and live it to the fullest, we will not be able to create anything we want in our lives. It is simply the law of attraction and the law of allowing. Be present and enjoy the here and now and the future will unfold!