Two days by the desk after the holidays, and it is the same as you had no holidays. You do not recall ever being on holidays, right? You are totally swamped with emails and tasks that needed to have been done two weeks ago.

How do you make sure to preserve that state of balance and energy and not be overwhelmed and stressed as soon as you get back to work?

It is a tough dilemma indeed as the pile has accumulated and sometimes no one else can dissolve that pile but you!

Imagine making a smooth transition that would enable you to take advantage of your fresh energy and preserve it for a long time after you have returned in the office  – what would that look like for you? We have brainstormed some ideas of what can be done to have a smooth landing at work:

1.   The first two days of your return, block your calendar with “emails and catching up” to make sure nothing else gets put in. 
2.   Have a soft check in with your team on the first day; maybe lunch for catching up on everyone’s holidays and scheduling 1on1’s with everyone for next week.
3. Do not have all the meetings backed-up for the first week of you coming back to work. Give yourself time to properly land and get back to the rhythm. If a whole week seems like a lot, aim for 2 days more than last time you came back from vacation; this way you can tell yourself you are making progress and ensuring a better re-integration for yourself and your team.
4.   Remember to take breaks and talk to your colleagues about your holidays. Have a mindful reminder every 90 minutes to stand up and have a walk or do something else that takes you away from your desk and tasks.

Remember that we are not efficient 24 hours per day. Know when your most efficient peak is during the day and do the most important and difficult tasks during that period.

We all need a reset button and holidays are the perfect reset button if you spend them wisely. It is also very important what you install after being re-set – therefore take care of you and be wise in the choices that you make.

I am back from holidays energized and committed to supporting you have a more authentic and resonant life.

Schedule here to book your 30-minute complimentary consultation to discuss how I can best support you or your organisation.

Culture, society, family, school etc condition us to be responsible and what it means to be responsible. Being responsible means doing the right thing (even though that makes you miserable) so that you can be perceived as being good and acceptable from other people. It means conforming to expectations.

Taking responsibility has quite a different meaning. It means to regard yourself as a powerful causal force for your experience of life. You have the ability to choose your response to situations in life.

You, through your choices and action or inaction, can be seen as the primary cause for what you want to create in life.

Being responsible is a commitment to being good and doing right.

Taking responsibility is a commitment to own your life, to self-leadership, growth, and freedom (inspired by the “Responsibility Process” book).

What would it mean for you to take 100% responsibility for your life or for what is happening in your life right now?

Bare feet on the warm sand! Sun kissing the skin and a light breeze caressing the hair. Lying down and reading a book, blocking the world away just for a moment, worry-free and present enjoying fully the moment… that is one example of an ideal summer day off.

What would yours be like?

How do you make the most of your holidays? How do you make sure that you wind down properly and get energized, connected with yourself, connect to what you really want and wish!

I have some ideas of how you can make the most out of your summer. These are inspirations and feel free to see what works for you:

1.   A no-brainer: stay as much as possible away from social media and limit the online time. If you cannot, make it into intervals of 90 focused minutes off and maybe 5-10 minutes online. So much has been researched about Social Media, and one that has stuck with me is that it can make people more depressed when comparing with what others post on SoMe. Myth buster: what you see there is only a fraction of reality – don’t believe everything you see on SoMe!

2.   Out of office reply ON – even if you are an entrepreneur. We, especially as entrepreneurs tend to be always on as there is the idea that business needs to run at all times. Myth buster: Especially you as an entrepreneur need time to recharge and reconnect with the purpose of your business and take a stance to see and connect with the vision of what you want to create.

3.   Use some of this time off for reflection and seeing the bigger picture; reconnecting with your purpose or working on figuring it out. If not the whole purpose, figure out the next step towards what makes you fulfilled and it can be as simple as self-care like getting a massage ? Myth buster: we have made life purpose into such a huge phenomena and we would encourage you to simply go after what fulfils you right now.

4.   Take some time on your own during the day. If you are surrounded with family and friends as we usually are on holidays, make sure to maybe “hide in the toilet” to have that time on your own. It is important to disconnect in order to connect. Myth buster: it is not selfish and irresponsible to demand and take that time for yourself. You are a much better partner, parent, friend and person if you are connected with you.

5.   Find the activities that give you energy and that you enjoy during the holidays: walks along the beach, in the forest, reading books, open-air cinema, sports…anything that works for you. Myth buster: You can increase your energy by doing things you love and enjoy.

Most important is: enjoy yourself and the people around you. Summer is a time of slowing down and connecting. Make it worthwhile!

Exactly, why??? Once you start the journey of personal development, it feels like a bottomless pit. You work with one thing and another issue comes up and the story never ends. So why even start?

I have been working on myself for decades now (I know, I am too young to be that old :-)).

I see working on myself as the biggest gift that I have given not only to myself but also to the people around me and the world. Becoming actively aware of what it is I do to have the impact that I have in the people and environments around me, is an incredible eye opener. Have you ever stopped and noticed, what impact do I have when I interact with others? How much of your time are you truly being you vs. trying to be someone else?

We can all hide behind expressions and beliefs like “I am fine” and “Things are fine” for the fear that if we are radically honest with ourselves, we would need to open a Pandora’s box and deal with our own shadows, limiting beliefs, rules and judgements. We all have them – no one is discriminated in that perspective! What it comes down to is – do you dare to see the truth in the eyes?

I would challenge you to ask yourself: “Are you really fine?”. If you would have all the resources in the world, what would you do? Would you still claim that things are fine as they are now? Would you still be in that unfulfilling job or toxic relationship? Would you still carry around those 15 kilos extra?

That is what working on yourself does. You become aware and clear of your behaviour, your mindset/attitude and how you create and show up in your world. Going into a personal development journey does take courage, determination, commitment and it usually starts with the realization that I want/long/need/deserve something MORE. Alongside that realization you also quickly understand that it is you that is responsible to giving yourself the space, time and resources to deal with the challenges of change ahead.

Change is not usually welcomed and at the same time we are also very aware that it is the only constant. At any moment of your life you are either recovering from a big change, in a moment of change or facing a change of some kind. The desire to maintain the status quo and the known is powerful and the alternative is sometimes scary and difficult to chew. Yet,  it is unavoidable.

Whether you will have a smooth transition into it or a hard core clash into the wall of change remains YOUR CHOICE. Life does happen and we there is only so much we truly can control – but we do manage how we respond to the things that happen to us. That is where personal development comes into play. 

As I see it, it is a continuous school of preparation; of supplying you with more clarity and knowledge about you; getting a closer connection to you and realizing what it is that is important to you.

Of course, you do not need to bother with personal development, but I believe that, like many things in life, either you choose it or it chooses you. You can name it anything you want, but if you are a living being, growth and change are unavoidable. As anything else in nature, you either grow or you surrender to atrophy.  

So what do you choose for yourself? Get a head start and be prepared or go blindly through life and wait for things to happen to you?

You always have a choice.

Let me support you make the right choice for you. Book a complementary chemistry session here.

When you talk to coaches, all would point that getting to know your values is a great way to start working on yourself. I personally, named my values when I started my coaching journey. My biggest surprise in naming them, was how effortless the decision process became. When in doubt the question that would guide me was: what values am I honoring taking this path or the other? And it made it easy and clear to stand by what I believed to be true to me.

Like when faced with the decision of staying at a non-fulfilling job to jumping out and having my own business, my core values of courage and connection to myself and people around me, made it easy to stand for what was important to me.

So, why are values so important? And how does knowing them affect our behavior and choices?

Values are our way of behaving or believing that we hold most important. They are our compass in life. Values are formed subconsciously as a result of many factors: family, culture, society, educational upbringing etc. They tend to remain unchanged throughout our lives and are personal, but their prioritizing varies according to what stage of life we are in.

Naming and clarifying one’s values, gives so much awareness and freedom in choosing. That is having a choice to make the right decision for us, as you choose based on what is important to you and what you are prioritizing in life.

For example, if you become aware that freedom is your number one value, you would  make a different decision than if security was in first place. Or if you value adventure, this will make you follow a different path than someone who values routine.

Knowing your values affects your behavior as you are acting in full integrity with who you are, and you do walk your talk. You take decisions and actions honoring these values. It does take courage to live up to the values. I am not insinuating that just knowing your values, would make a difference in your life. It is LIVING them that does. As that is integrity and authenticity. Being and owning your full self and what you stand for.  It is doing the hard things that you stand for rather than what is easy – that means staying true to your values.

When you are not in alignment with your values, you feel off and there is dissonance internally. I feel for example the dissonance if I would deliver a workshop and there is no connection with the audience. Since I know that, I  do my best to have the connection even if it means greeting and shaking hands with all the participants – I take my time as it is important to me.

When in dissonance with values, you can feel that something is not as it should be and your whole body reacts to it. That is what we usually call a value clash. There are these two or more conflicting values that compete. Like for example: You got this job that pays well, but there is no connection with the people in the office. If connection is one of your core values, it would be difficult for you to survive in that environment and you would probably look immediately for something else as you are not fulfilled.

Values need to be honored and practiced and lived by every minute. The moment you notice a discrepancy in yourself – ask: what is it that I am doing and being that does not align with my values?

Values are a great tool of awareness about yourself and people around you. If you do know the values of the people around you than you would understand well why they are behaving the way they are behaving. There would be greater connection and empathy.

Lastly, living up to your values would inspire other people to do the same. You are giving yourself and others full permission to be who they are and stand by themselves. Therefore, seize the day to get clear on what your values are. If you cannot do it on your own, a coach would help!

PS. If you are in Copenhagen, come join to this workshop on values on May 22nd, 2019.

I started my Leadership journey with The Coaches Training Institute last week. As a first retreat it was intense and enriching packed with lots of challenges and learnings.

Main important points learned were:

1. Know yourself well and what you stand for; connect to your core. It is difficult to lead anyone if you are not fully connected with you.
2. FAIL often and fast – try different ways and if those ways do not work BEGIN AGAIN!
3. Ask for HELP: we do need other people’s input as leaders, and we do not need to do everything on our own and have all the answers ourselves.

We all have choices! Make the wise choice for you and the world around you!

Time is a finite resource, though some people have this ability to stretch time. Some of us earthlings do not and we have to focus on how to create more energy for ourselves with the means, time and resources we have so as to be fully present, participative and creative in our lives.

We do possess these wonderful four sources of energies that with some changes we can go long in creating and increasing our energy for the long term. These sources of energy are our body, mind, spirit and heart.

Before I address each of them, I would encourage you to start making an inventory of everything in your life that drains you of energy. It can be people, behaviors or tasks. This is to understand better yourself and also what gives you energy. How do you function best?

What triggers you most? What triggers the joy in you? What needs to be present so as you are fulfilled?

I will address each of the sources of energy so as to give you an idea of what you can do and make you aware of what you are doing that drains your energy.

BODY: it is a no-brainer that without a healthy energetic body, you cannot do much and be well. Taking care of your body needs to be a priority and integrated in a lifestyle that should not look like a chore. Find physical activities that you are happy about – it doesn’t necessarily mean going to the gym and close yourself in sweaty rooms with other sweaty people. It can be anything in nature. The key here is knowing yourself and what type of physical activities fit you. Find the time or create a system where exercise is integrated in your day. As simple as sometimes elevating the desk and working standing can make a difference and while you are there take some squats as well 😉

There is a lot to do when it comes to your physical energy: nutrition; sleep; water intake; exercise; decrease of coffee drinking; alcohol; rest etc.

What is one thing that you would change today looking at your life right now that will give you more physical energy? What habit do you need to replace?

MIND: If you were to have an inventory of the moments of peace and silence in your head, how many would they be? Have you ever experienced a thought-free mind? Hardly ever in our everyday, right? If you do meditate often yes, but in our everyday we fall into the pattern of overthinking and multitasking.

What adds fuel to this fire are all the distractions and triggers that are present everywhere: starting from technology, social media, tasks, colleagues, fires that needs to be put down etc the list is endless. We know how demanding and fast paced society is nowadays. With the technology, we are also expected to be available at all times and reply almost immediately to everything.

How do you manage to stay focused? How do you manage to get things done?

My advice would be to:

• have these “ultradian sprints” that is: focus for 90-120 minutes take a true break and then fully focus on the next activity.
• Be aware of distraction and plan your distractions well: set a time for answering emails/calls/inquiries.
• Start with the most important and long term task first
• At the end of the day have an inventory and plan, set intentions for the next day

There are so many things that can be done to free your mind of declutter, and if you were to commit to one thing for yourself, what would that be?

HEART: We are emotional beings. When we are faced with persistent demands and increasing challenges, and we are under severe pressure, it is normal to fall into so-called negative emotions or fight or flight mode and it might usually happen multiple times a day.   

We tend to become annoyed, irritable, angry and impatient or anxious and insecure. When in these modes, our energy is depleted and our relationships suffer the consequences and the frictions deriving from these states.  

Besides, when we are in these emotions, it is difficult to come from a place of clarity, logic and reflection.

It is quite important to notice what triggers these states and when you are already there, take a pause and have some deep abdominal breathing.

Make conscious breathing a ritual during the day so as to give yourself time to connect and be present which makes it easier to prepare yourself and prevent these fight or flight emotions.

SPIRIT: one way to tap into our human spirit is to live everyday in alignment with our values and what gives us fulfillment and meaning. Are you walking your talk? Are you in alignment with what you believe are the most important things for you? Are you living according to your inner compass? Are you being courageous to stand up for what you believe?

Take an inventory of how you live your life and see what small or big things you can change to increase more your personal energy. This is up to you – time is not! Make the wise decision for yourself to be surrounded with inspiring, open, loving people that give you energy, live a life where you feel you have the strings and it is not just passing by. Do a favor to yourself and be truthful to you: what is it you want? What would you like to look back and be proud of at the end of your life?

Would be honored to help you to figure out these questions for you!

You and I  know this well too well: we have all felt this moment when enough is enough and you need to do something about an issue be it anything: your health; relationship; work; horrible bosses etc – you start quite well and big and all at once: going on a diet; exercising; cutting on drinking; going raw etc., only to find yourself that by day three you binge eat whatever your eyes and hands can catch in the fridge and kitchen cupboards.

How come this keeps happening? We are creatures of habit and some of them do not work for us!

Let’s dig into what can work!

Imagine a scenario when you want to speak to a conference in two months and you are terrified at public speaking. One thing is your fear of public speaking and something else can be the limiting belief that you unconsciously have. Something like, whatever I would say would sound stupid or I can’t make it. Or it will be a total fiasco or disaster (whatever your limiting belief is). If you have these beliefs, you will do anything in your power to sabotage yourself for these beliefs to come true. Strange, right? But this is how limiting beliefs work if you are not aware of them!

Let’s say that that is your goal: Speak and present fluently my research in two months time in front of 500 people.

Great – so you have defined your goal: It is specific; you are starting with the end in mind; time bound, big and compelling and also attainable; you have written it down so you can see it every day. Now what is left is that you set measurable milestones everyday (if only it were that easy!!) and the deeper and harder part of it, is that it needs to align with your values and beliefs.

When you are shaping a goal, you need to look into your values: what is important for me in presenting my research? What values of mine am I honoring by doing so? It can be your contribution and impact or service or community – anything: values are personal.

One other thing to look at are the beliefs you are holding for yourself as mentioned before: they can be created from anything: culture; social media, family, something somebody said at some point to you that we take as reality for us etc. If you are not achieving your goals, chances are that the beliefs you hold are creating obstacles and preventing you from achieving what you want.

It is also important to make it your own goal and nobody else’s – something that you believe you must achieve and again not because it is imposed on you by society or culture or parents or friends or colleagues or bosses! It simply has to be your own goal! (Like I want to give this presentation as I have something to say that will improve the quality of life for people.)

How do you make it a success story to achieve your goals? To sum all up what I already mentioned:

1.  Start with the end in mind: know where you are going. If you do not know, it is quite difficult to navigate. It is like having a gps with no address. Therefore, have a highly specific goal that you write down.

2. Goals must be something that you want and not something that people are expecting of you.

3. As explained, goals need to be congruent with your values and your belief system.

4. They have to be SMART: Specific, measurable, attainable; realistic and timebound.

5. You have to commit! Accept the fact that this goal is not magically going to happen. It requires effort and commitment.

6.  Have measurable milestones during the journey of your goal achievement. Milestones that you have control over and you don’t end up feeling like a victim. You need to be able to track your progress and have feedback and adjust during the way if something is not working. For example, if I need to deliver the presentation in two months, I will practice it every single day for 30 minutes to 1 hour and then when I know it upside down I will present in front of family, friends, colleagues…anyone who is willing to hear so I am ready to present it to 500 people in two months.

7. Be flexible and open minded: true you have set a goal but it important that in the process of achieving this goal to be mindful of what other circumstances/results/new opportunities are showing up that I did not see before I set this goal. Continues readjustment is key to success!

8.  Bring others along: there is a saying: “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together”. Bringing others along by talking about our goals not only makes them more pertinent and real, it also provides us with great support through those difficult, reluctant times.

Remember that goals are a mean to an end – not the ultimate purpose of our lives. They are tools to hold us in the direction of what we want and have us be focused. And there are so many more “side-effects” to achieving goals. It is not the achievement of the goals that make us happy and fulfilled, it is who we become in the process of achieving these goals – how much we grow and expand and learn – that gives us that strong feeling of fulfillment. Knowing that you can do it if you set your mind and heart to it increases also your self-confidence, personal leadership and self-awareness.

Aristotle asserted long ago in his Politics: “Man is by nature a social animal … Anyone who either cannot lead the common life or is so self-sufficient as not to need to, and therefore does not partake of society, is either a beast or a god.”

Social connections are an equally important need to our survival and fulfillment as the need for food, safety, and shelter. The recent developments have seen a society that is growing exponentially in some parts of the world prosperous and individualistic, though the social connections are weakening. Consequences of these do show in the workplaces as well: We are volunteering less. We do not make friends at work. We work remotely and in our own little bubbles in the open offices. As a result, interaction, communication and engagement of employees has decreased.

As mentioned previously in the article from my colleague on listening with curiosity, it is vital that we listen and pay attention and be mindful to the people surrounding us. And adding on that, starting with deep listening, we create connections. We are seen for who we are. We feel we belong. We tend to give our best when we are seen and acknowledged.

Connection happens when all are aligned with the cause; the values; the vision of the workplace; and relate to one another at a deeper level; understand what we all stand for without sacrificing ourselves and what we believe and change who we are to fit in.

What I find important is this authenticity that comes with true connection: you see me and I see you without any of us wanting to change one another. There is the individuality; the acceptance; the intimacy, freedom and truth. We are true to ourselves and do not change simply to fit in and be liked.

And in my opinion, connecting with another person, does not need to be an elaborated plan of action – connection needs to be born spontaneously having the will, wish and curiosity and sometimes courage to get to know another person and learn and grow from this person.

That is why the following are ideas of what we could/choose to do to initiate some connection:

1. Show interest and care to your colleagues: Sometimes as simple as saying “good morning” and taking an interest in your colleagues: being curious of who they are and what their world is like. There is always growth and learning in interacting with others. Acknowledge them and say thank you!
2. Give a voice to everyone: With the increase of remote work, it is important that all members of the team are heard. It is crucial that everyone is involved and be part of the process so as the feelings of belonging and commitment are increased. Even if you are working across the country, make sure you meet regularly on any of the digital platforms to say hello and share your progress. Another idea that can be implemented is to leave mobile phones out of the meeting room for more presence and connection.
3. Be helpful to others, just because you can: From my experience, nothing creates connection faster than helping a colleague or simply having someone’s back in a challenging situation. See what you can do for each other to make each-other’s day lighter. Care for the well-being of one another.

We spend most of our awake day at work, and it is important to have our needs covered. Take the first step towards connecting with another colleague: invite someone to lunch; ask about their day; hobbies; thoughts; dreams. As daring as it can be, people are craving for deep meaningful conversations that lead to deeper connections! Be that daring one!!!

Are you ready to bring coaching culture to your organization? Do not hesitate to contact us – we are ready to support you!

The Big C is a coaching organization devoted to helping young professionals step into their leadership and to supporting organizations develop, engage and retain their future leaders.

www.thebigc.nl

https://www.linkedin.com/company/the-bigc/

I said goodbye to a close friend; cold calls; loads of rejections; free workshops; endless networking; long hours; some extra weight; many airports; unresponsive clients; fakeness; multitasking; attachment to material stuff…

I welcomed my newborn nephew Lukas; spent and made time for family; strengthened some old friendships and made new; experienced a growing business; 5300m altitude above the sea – feeling the nausea and still walking to reach the top; witnessed one of the world’s wonders: Machu Picchu and all its grandeur and history; traveled to more than 10 countries; trekking in canyons until bleeding; being a digital nomad; gave workshops in more than 5 countries internationally; laughed and cried my heart out; I experienced what it means to be in the present!

My word in 2018 was “TRUST” – trust in the process; trust that I am doing the right thing as I am following my passion and heart; trust that things will work out; trust that I am at the right place at the right time; trust in the goodness and support of people; trust that what I am creating in my life is the lessons and growth I need at the moment; trust that I am good and capable enough etc.

Having embarked on this entrepreneurial journey, trust is one of the biggest lessons I had to learn and still am learning at times. As hard and fragile as it is, trust I have learned is also a state of mind, a sensation, an intuition…and without wanting to sound naïve giving it is the best way to getting it.

This new year coming, my word is LOVE…it has always been there for me in what I do and I want to turn up more the volume for it. I love what I do and it shows though I find myself at times frustrated with the obstacles and process; lost in the details and miss the big picture. My intention is to learn how to love the process be it at work or private and somehow forget the attachment to the end result/goal and be open and flexible to what comes up during the process.

My wish for all of us is to live fully and love fully, take ourselves seriously and then again not too seriously, have fun and enjoy life and loved ones every single day!